Common Courtesy

I have a new job, and at my new place of employment I am friends with a girl who is from the U.K. Earlier today we were having a discussion about the perception that Canadians are polite, that Americans are jerks, and that Brits and the French are rather rude.

She said that before she came to live in Canada she was under the impression that Canadians are always saying, "Sorry" and are overly concerned with being polite. Then she came to live in Canada and found that Canadians really only seem to say sorry without 1) meaning it, 2) even really thinking about it and just doing it automatically, and 3) sincerity.

In the time she has been in this country, she told me, she has rarely been given what she feels is a genuine sorry by anyone.

She told me she didn't want me to feel offended that this is the feeling she has about most Canadians. I told her I couldn't agree more.

First of all, having experience in customer service and as a research worker, I am not unaccustomed to rudeness and the sarcastic "Sorry" that Canadians seem to do so well.

I have always felt that kind of behaviour says a lot about a person. To treat someone you don't even know as being somehow less deserving of courtesy is just low. I have little tolerance for people who think so highly of themselves they feel they can treat others as being inferior. Even before I ever had a job I never treated anyone as poorly as some people treat me. I have never spoken rudely to a waitress or to someone at the other end of a marketing call. I've never yelled at a bus driver or demanded to speak with a manager to make a complaint. It's not difficult to treat another person with respect, even in a difficult or even extreme situation.

A manager in a cafe once explained to me that some people are "difficult" because they like to feel important or special. Like a customer who makes specific demands about drinks or food, and orders off menu. Just go somewhere that actually serves what you want. I think it is pathetic. I'm able to feel special all on my own without someone giving me special treatment or making exceptions for me. Maybe I'm special in that I don't treat others like shit, or that I feel different from others without even trying to be unique, but I have never needed for anyone to bend over backwards for me to feel good about myself. That's just lame.

An anecdote: this evening on the streetcar a woman screamed at me for wearing a knapsack. I had my hands full of grocery bags and the trolley was so packed that I could barely move to slide the straps off my shoulders and place the bag between my feet. Still, I apologized.

Nevermind the fact that she appeared to be at least 300 pounds and that two people could fit snugly into the space she occupied.

Oh yes. I'll be a bitch online, just not to her face. Because that would be rude, Ms. Fatty McFatfat.

I find Canadians certainly have a habit of apologizing, but only as a precursor to an insult. As in, "Um, sorry? But you're totally incompetent. No offense, of course." We've become so very polite that we're back at the other end of the asshole scale.

Anyhow, Girl From the U.K. says that while people in North America tend to think Brits are rude, she thinks that while they may definitely be restrained they are far more polite, in general, that Canadians and Americans.

I told her I would love to travel to England and see just what common courtesy is like on the other side of the pond, since it can't get much worse here.

EDIT: It could just be Torontonians.