You know you're an unbelievable bore

. . . And have lost all my respect when you relentlessly update your Facebook about nothing but:

a) all topics concerning your wedding

b) going to the gym to workout (and fit into your wedding dress in time, since you bought it two sizes too small to motivate you to become thinner. "But, oh!" you say. "Women are under sooo much pressure to be beautiful and look perfect! I want to look beautiful on my wedding day! I want _____ to look at me and think I'm the most perfect woman in the world!" Wah wah wah. First off, don't talk about body image issues, and the pressure to be thin and pretty, like it's some kind of big revelation. And don't use your wedding as an excuse to be psycho. Secondly, if a man intends to marry you and is letting you plan a big, frilly wedding with stupid vows and live swans, there's a pretty good chance that he 1) already thinks you are perfect to begin with, and 2) has been lobotomized and / or is heavily medicated. And if you haven't heard a stand-up comedian in never he won't notice what you look like, because men never notice. He will be too hungover or will still be too drunk from his bachelor party (populated mainly by strippers who are thinner, prettier, and more flexible than you) to care.

You're going to get fat having his babies, anyhow.

The fact that you are likely biologically capable of reproducing proves that this is a Godless universe.

I quote you now to back up my statements regarding your moronic nature (a newly acquired moronic nature, I might add, since you were an interesting person to talk to whenever we met up for coffee back in the day, or ran into each other at parties) and your new status as an unbearable bore.

"Choosing wedding invitations is waaaaaaaaaaayyy hard!!! I need a Belvedere cosmo and ma gurlz, stat!"

"sooooooooo many different shades of pink! OMG!"

"Wedding song! any ideas?!?! I can't decide!"

"just discovered I can register for gifts online! Can't stop myself now LOL!"

"Got my something old, something new, and my something blue! just need my somthing borrowed! Who has some tiffany for me? haha!"

"Ugh! planning a menu is HARD WORK! Time for some town time with hubby!"

And so on, ad nauseum.

What are you going to talk about after you're married? If you have to think about that for more than a second you're in trouble.