Yes, you. The guy in the family sedan, blasting your club beats so loud that your shitty stereo makes your car vibrate, and leering and hollering at us girls passing by.
You will never have sex with any of us.
I'll bet you're in that family-sized car because it's what you got out of the divorce when your wife left you for reasons of irreconcilable differences due to you being so utterly lame.
There is a capital 'L' on my forehead for you. Haven't done that since grade school, but what can I say, your pathetic example just inspires me.
31.12.10
13.12.10
So Sue (Johanson) me
There should be an official holiday named for this woman. Not only is she the female equivalent of my beloved Dan Savage (see a testament of my love for him here) but I was enjoying her humour, and frank manner of speaking about all things related to sex, for years before I discovered Dan. Moreover, I believe that she has done more than anyone to promote women's sexual health (and just about anyone's sexual health, in general) in Canada since Dr. Henry Morgentaler fought for the right to a safe abortion in the 60s.
Plus, the delight that I garnered from seeing her recommend sex toys on her Hot Stuff Bag segments on her former t.v. show (made all the more amusing due to her remarkable resemblance to my late maternal grandmother) will likely never be matched by any other septua- or octo- genarian.
Also, this.Oh, and also, there was some Order of Canada thing. That too. That's just as important as the chin dildo, you know. If not more, even. Just slightly more.
S. and I have an ongoing tradition of occasionally naming a certain day to be [insert name of celebrity or well-known figure or even just a person we know here] DAY. For instance, we declared May 20 to be James Stewart Day, when we will participate in some doggone good, wholesome activities and talk just like Jimmy. There are many other examples, most of which I can't remember specifically because we normally make these decisions while slightly tipsy.
However, being of sound mind and body and having had only two 5oz glasses of wine, I declare July 29 (Sue's birthday) to be the official Sue Johanson Day in our home, which will basically be an all-out sex toy and lube fest. It goes without saying that we will use fully poseable dolls to work out some yet-untried positions for ourselves, and make reference to our body parts using medical terms, foregoing dirty slang for the day.
Or perhaps May 31 will be more fitting, since that was the day she received her Order of Canada.
Oh, heck. I'll just go ahead and celebrate both days, in the aforementioned fashion.
12.12.10
Things said by dumb girls at my work #7
"I don't think my see-through top is, like, see-through enough."
Wondering
Why you need to make me privy to your toddler's potty-training achievements. Please don't tell me just how well he is excelling at pee-pee and poop-poop both at home and in public restrooms. The look of pride on your face frightens me.
You make me want to get my tubes tied.
You make me want to get my tubes tied.
7.12.10
Wondering
If you would be less busy if you didn't spend so much time updating your Facebook status to say how busy you are.
6.12.10
Common Courtesy
I have a new job, and at my new place of employment I am friends with a girl who is from the U.K. Earlier today we were having a discussion about the perception that Canadians are polite, that Americans are jerks, and that Brits and the French are rather rude.
She said that before she came to live in Canada she was under the impression that Canadians are always saying, "Sorry" and are overly concerned with being polite. Then she came to live in Canada and found that Canadians really only seem to say sorry without 1) meaning it, 2) even really thinking about it and just doing it automatically, and 3) sincerity.
In the time she has been in this country, she told me, she has rarely been given what she feels is a genuine sorry by anyone.
She told me she didn't want me to feel offended that this is the feeling she has about most Canadians. I told her I couldn't agree more.
First of all, having experience in customer service and as a research worker, I am not unaccustomed to rudeness and the sarcastic "Sorry" that Canadians seem to do so well.
I have always felt that kind of behaviour says a lot about a person. To treat someone you don't even know as being somehow less deserving of courtesy is just low. I have little tolerance for people who think so highly of themselves they feel they can treat others as being inferior. Even before I ever had a job I never treated anyone as poorly as some people treat me. I have never spoken rudely to a waitress or to someone at the other end of a marketing call. I've never yelled at a bus driver or demanded to speak with a manager to make a complaint. It's not difficult to treat another person with respect, even in a difficult or even extreme situation.
A manager in a cafe once explained to me that some people are "difficult" because they like to feel important or special. Like a customer who makes specific demands about drinks or food, and orders off menu. Just go somewhere that actually serves what you want. I think it is pathetic. I'm able to feel special all on my own without someone giving me special treatment or making exceptions for me. Maybe I'm special in that I don't treat others like shit, or that I feel different from others without even trying to be unique, but I have never needed for anyone to bend over backwards for me to feel good about myself. That's just lame.
An anecdote: this evening on the streetcar a woman screamed at me for wearing a knapsack. I had my hands full of grocery bags and the trolley was so packed that I could barely move to slide the straps off my shoulders and place the bag between my feet. Still, I apologized.
Nevermind the fact that she appeared to be at least 300 pounds and that two people could fit snugly into the space she occupied.
Oh yes. I'll be a bitch online, just not to her face. Because that would be rude, Ms. Fatty McFatfat.
I find Canadians certainly have a habit of apologizing, but only as a precursor to an insult. As in, "Um, sorry? But you're totally incompetent. No offense, of course." We've become so very polite that we're back at the other end of the asshole scale.
Anyhow, Girl From the U.K. says that while people in North America tend to think Brits are rude, she thinks that while they may definitely be restrained they are far more polite, in general, that Canadians and Americans.
I told her I would love to travel to England and see just what common courtesy is like on the other side of the pond, since it can't get much worse here.
EDIT: It could just be Torontonians.
She said that before she came to live in Canada she was under the impression that Canadians are always saying, "Sorry" and are overly concerned with being polite. Then she came to live in Canada and found that Canadians really only seem to say sorry without 1) meaning it, 2) even really thinking about it and just doing it automatically, and 3) sincerity.
In the time she has been in this country, she told me, she has rarely been given what she feels is a genuine sorry by anyone.
She told me she didn't want me to feel offended that this is the feeling she has about most Canadians. I told her I couldn't agree more.
First of all, having experience in customer service and as a research worker, I am not unaccustomed to rudeness and the sarcastic "Sorry" that Canadians seem to do so well.
I have always felt that kind of behaviour says a lot about a person. To treat someone you don't even know as being somehow less deserving of courtesy is just low. I have little tolerance for people who think so highly of themselves they feel they can treat others as being inferior. Even before I ever had a job I never treated anyone as poorly as some people treat me. I have never spoken rudely to a waitress or to someone at the other end of a marketing call. I've never yelled at a bus driver or demanded to speak with a manager to make a complaint. It's not difficult to treat another person with respect, even in a difficult or even extreme situation.
A manager in a cafe once explained to me that some people are "difficult" because they like to feel important or special. Like a customer who makes specific demands about drinks or food, and orders off menu. Just go somewhere that actually serves what you want. I think it is pathetic. I'm able to feel special all on my own without someone giving me special treatment or making exceptions for me. Maybe I'm special in that I don't treat others like shit, or that I feel different from others without even trying to be unique, but I have never needed for anyone to bend over backwards for me to feel good about myself. That's just lame.
An anecdote: this evening on the streetcar a woman screamed at me for wearing a knapsack. I had my hands full of grocery bags and the trolley was so packed that I could barely move to slide the straps off my shoulders and place the bag between my feet. Still, I apologized.
Nevermind the fact that she appeared to be at least 300 pounds and that two people could fit snugly into the space she occupied.
Oh yes. I'll be a bitch online, just not to her face. Because that would be rude, Ms. Fatty McFatfat.
I find Canadians certainly have a habit of apologizing, but only as a precursor to an insult. As in, "Um, sorry? But you're totally incompetent. No offense, of course." We've become so very polite that we're back at the other end of the asshole scale.
Anyhow, Girl From the U.K. says that while people in North America tend to think Brits are rude, she thinks that while they may definitely be restrained they are far more polite, in general, that Canadians and Americans.
I told her I would love to travel to England and see just what common courtesy is like on the other side of the pond, since it can't get much worse here.
EDIT: It could just be Torontonians.
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