At least it's better than being chased by scientologists

For the past month or so, a group of theology students from South Korea have been hanging around outside the subway station closest to where I live.

I would have no trouble with this if they would just leave me alone. However, they want something from me, and from the rest of the world; they want church members.

The first time I encountered two of the students, I was moderately interested in what they had to say. They weren't preaching, they were explaining. Despite my lack of patience for religion, I admired the fact that these theology students had, more or less, created their own sect. We got into a debate, but it didn't get ugly.

They were stressing the importance of not only God the father, but God the mother as well. I was shown several passages from the Bible that seem to (rather ambiguously) indicate that there has always been God the mother and that if we don't worship her and God the father we will never have everlasting life.

I found that to be interesting, and when the students discussed the Sabbath day and their belief that Saturday should be the holy day, not Sunday, I understood where they were coming from. They also told me that they felt Passover should be observed in Christianity as it is in Judaism. I liked it. A sort of Seventh Day Adventist kind of thing with a Hebrew twist.

All very good points, and I had a nice time talking to them. I explained that I was raised Catholic and that my mother still attends church, but that I renounced my faith some years ago and that I consider myself an atheist though I do look up to Jesus for the (mortal and cool) person that he was.

This totally baffled them, for starters. I tried to get through to them that I'm not a Christian; I don't believe Jesus was divine or that he was somehow born after an immaculate conception. I think he likely existed and made some good points on how humanity should behave. I think the whole Star Over Bethlehem thing got blown out of proportion, and that it was probably a comet, or, even likelier, a UFO. He was just a man, he wanted to do right, and I think he was groovy.

"But you're a follower of Christ! That makes you Christian!" they said repeatedly.

We eventually got past that point of discussion and onto the part where they tell me that I am going to hell because I don't partake of the body or blood of Christ; there is no way I can have everlasting life in heaven, amen.

First of all, I don't want everlasting life, period. I have enough difficulty with this life. I dislike the idea of life going on, indefinitely, on this plane or another one. I will live for as long as I am capable of, and then die and promptly cease existence.

Maybe, if ghosts do really exist and I am able to become one, I will return to this earthly dimension and move some shit around the room, whilst invisible, and it will all be very creepy. Hopefully someone will be playing a theramin in the background.

I don't like being told that I am going to hell because 1) that's rude and I hardly know them, and 2) it's all absolute poppycock because I'm still technically a Catholic and I can always have a confession done on my deathbed if I end up wussing out and reverting to Catholicism in the very end.

They told me I should come to their church and I said I don't go to church, I'm an atheist. They wanted to give me information about their church, and their contact information in case I changed my mind. I didn't want to be rude so I took a pamphlet.

I've run into these theology students twice since and they have recognized me and asked when I am coming to church. I've told them I enjoyed our discussion but that I'm an atheist, I don't believe in God, and I don't go to church. They've told me that their church is a lot of fun, and that I can easily fit my schedule around their services. Also, they've really pushed the "God the Mother" issue, and reminded me that only those who partake of the body and blood of Christ can go to heaven. And I continue to politely decline.

I mean, Jesus Christ what are these kids on? They're teenagers, they should be out forming Doo Wop groups and going to sock hops, not spouting Bible passages at me on a street corner.

Moreover, if this is some kind of career option for them, they need to get better at it. Right now, I am a hardcore meatatarian, and they are trying to tempt me into becoming a vegan by offering me a soy steak.

In conclusion, I find it ironic that people who are spreading the message of God the father's (and God the mother's) love can be so judgmental and focused on hell. And also that they put so much of their energy into something that doesn't exist. Except for my annoyance, which exists with a force that should not be further reckoned with.

You have been warned, theology students.